Terry Brussel Gibbons, an experienced matchmaker
Why use a matchmaker?
Relationship NLP
The Matchmaker's Corner - Dating Delights
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In addition to being a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist with hundreds of hours of public speaking to service clubs, college classes and business establishments to her credit Terry Brussel Gibbons is a quarter of a century matchmaker and the director of L.A.'s oldest introduction service. Her great grandmother had her matchmaking business in Russia.
In this country, Terry's mother began helping Francis DuMont with her social introduction club back in the 1940s. She met Terry's father Barry Brussel through the club in 1950. Mr. Brussel handled the club's advertizing for many years and took it over when Francis passed on in 1967. He hosted the Romantic Holidays radio show renaming the club in the hopes that each date would be a romantic holiday for our members. Though quite young at the time, Terry frequently assisted her father an the air, both with news and talk. It was renamed Marriage Minded Introductions in 1980 to avoid confusion with travel services and accentuate the focus on introductions for purposes of marriage only. Terry helped with the show and later with the matchmaking. She has been doing professional matchmaking for 20 years. During that time, she has been interviewed by the Jewish Calendar, Valley Magazine, the Susan Block's radio show, Leanna Wolf's Intimate Matters radio show, Elan Neev's radio show (1-95), the CBS News (Valentine's Day of 1991), Eye Witness News on Valentine's Day 1995, and on many other occasions. She also did the monthly column "Matchmaker's Corner in Cosi Magazine for two years.
Why a Matchmaker?
(The following is an article Terry wrote for a singles magazine to help people decide how to look for someone in LA in the 90s. Terry honestly believes that a matchmaker is the safest, most effective way to find a person to marry--even if it's another matchmaker.)
Personal ads, singles dances, and the bar scene may work for some singles, but for someone with marriage in mind, your own matchmaker may provide a better alternative.
Contrary to the popular misconception that "only losers have to pay for a date", selective, successful (and busy) singles who are seeking a quality life mate are most frequently the ones to hire a matchmaker.
When you meet a person at a singles event, all you know about them initially is their name and appearance. It often takes much time before you find out the interests of a new someone. You won't know, probably for quite a while, if they are compatible with you or not. And you won't know unless you ask the awkward question, if they are truly interested in marriage. You might find some of these things out a month or two down the line, which might mean that you've wasted valuable time on a relationship which isn't going anywhere.
The problem in finding a match out there in the world is that when you meet a person, you don't know who they are, what their goals are in life, in business, in relationships. Frequently, it is difficult to find out whether or not a person you may be physically attracted to is from the educational or affluence station you prefer to associate with.
In dealing with an introduction service, you would have all the information you needed to know before you even meet the person in question, because a proper analysis by a capable counselor would match you with the person who has the qualities you desire in a possible permanent partner.
Basically, a matchmaker is a great time saver. If your time is valuable, you don't want to be spending your Saturday nights in bars trying to find somebody who might be right for you. Instead, you can spend that time with a quality match, a person who meets your requirements, a person who may be a suitable marriage partner. If they turn out not to be a suitable partner, at least you will have enough in common to enjoy the evening together.
Many people cruise the dance scenes. Those that are shy will have difficulty connecting with someone. Even if you do manage to connect, there are many important issues that you wouldn't necessarily talk about on the first few dates, which may mean this is not the person you want to spend your life with.
If you're matched by a matchmaking service, most of the areas of importance are well covered in the initial audit. The criterion for both parties is well established. There is much private, personal data that the matchmaker comes to know about a person that under normal hit or miss meetings you have no way of finding out until you're well along in the relationship. Perhaps, by then, some of your original requirements may not seem as important because you've fallen for this person. Later, when some of the magic wears off and you're trying to live together, some of the conditions you let pass may turn out to be essential for a lasting relationship.
Another advantage of meeting people through a matchmaker is that you are afforded the opportunity to meet only those who would be appropriate for you to be married to or live with. Those are the only ones you want to risk falling in love with.
Another area that bears investigation is partnering patterns. There are many reasons that somebody selects a mate or a boy or girlfriend. Does she resemble your mother or have a certain similarity to your first girlfriend? Does he remind you of someone you were madly in love with at sixteen (who was an alcoholic)?
A matchmaker will eliminate these problems by not following your more negative partnering patterns. They're going to be looking for the right person for you. You are given a selection of people who will be appropriate for you rather than a selection of people who will continue to mess up your life.
There is a great deal of difference between a matchmaking service and a dating service. Dating services do not require their members to be interested in marriage or even a long term relationship. Many of them allow you to match yourself through photos or video tapes or lists of profiles. Not only can this be time consuming, it also lacks the expertise of a matchmaker. You do not have that third eye to keep your partnering patterns on the positive side.
With a matchmaker in your corner, you can discuss what's right and wrong with each match, and how best to approach your next introduction. The right person for you will be found by process of elimination as you learn together what does and does not work for you.
Ready to pick a matchmaker? It requires a bit of investigation. The key to judging a service's legitimacy is their information gaining procedure. If it's a three hour, deep psychological evaluation, you've got to ask yourself whether their data base is really large enough to make that worthwhile?
If not, its just a showy waste of time...and your money. On the other hand, you don't want a six or ten question joke of an interview either. About an hour gets us information we can really use in making a good match. Be sure you know what the service offers, how long they've been around, and that the price is reasonable for what you're getting. A club charging $100 a year probably can't deliver what they're promising. A club charging $2500 had better be offering a whole lot more than one charging $1000.
Relationship NLP
The NLP Integration and live NLP training is one way to give yourself an edge in getting connected to just the right special someone for you. I know a Big woman who used it to get herself an attractive man with excellent business knowledge who never would have expected to be interested in her. They have a happy marriage. NLP can be used to get past qualifications another person may think he wants (such as being considerably younger or having a perfect body) which won't really effect the long term success of a relationship.
I had a client who only wanted to meet ladies with long blond hair. I found a match for him who was everything else he wanted, but her hair was short and auburn. He reluctantly agreed to meet her. He called me after the first date to tell me she looked like a horse. Two weeks later, he called to say she didn't look that bad actually and to tell me she had other characteristics he loved.
The wedding invitation came six weeks after that. The gut feel that caused me to risk his original aggravation was right, but the lady had a lot to do with making that work. She made him feel good about himself, let him know how right for her he was. She learned what special things really pleased him in the way a woman dressed and acted. She did those things without changing the essence of who she was, which w as right for him in the first place. Some of this was inside info from me-- the rest she picked up by watching him, listening to him and asking the right questions. She learned to speak to him using the kinds of words he best responded to--visual imagery in his case. This particular gal just seemed to have a knack for it.
Matchmakers's Corner -- Dating Delights
What makes the first date lead to more? Assuming basic compatibility (which I've made sure of with my members), what you say, the way you are groomed, and the activities you select all have an impact on whether you'll be getting together again. Grooming is first. Smell good. Be freshly showered and use only the lightest of scents, whether they be after shave or perfume, you don't know what this new someone likes yet and "chemistry" is more based on your own personal scent than most people realize. Soap, water, and toothpaste will let this come through at it's best. Clothing, neat and appropriate to the activity you've decided on in advance helps, too. For a meal out, ladies still make the best impression in dresses or a skirt with feminine blouse on the first date, particularly if you've met only by phone as yet. Slacks and a sport shirt are good first date attire for men. Naturally, this doesn't apply to a picnic or hike. In any case, masculine for men, feminine for women is most likely to attract the opposite sex. What you say and don't say on that first get together really matters. Turn offs I hear about most are negative comments about ex-spouses and past dates, excessively positive comments about exs or a spouse who has died, and interrogative questioning which is obviously an effort to determine whether to go out again or (worse) whether to cut this meeting short. Questioning is an art -- weave it gently into the conversation along with gifts of self. Speak in a way this person can relate to " Unlimited Power " by Tony Robbins has some excellent advice. You can get a discount on the tapes by mentioning this article -- call 800-735-3660.
Where to go and what to do is another chance to connect -- or not. It is usually a gentleman's place to ask the lady if she would like to meet. Waiting for a second conversation to do this is not a good move -- she will assume you either aren't interested or don't have the gumption to ask. Just asking what she wants to do without any suggestions says you aren't decisive or can't think of anything very exciting. Telling her what you'll be doing may work if done just right and based on mutual interests you've discussed during this initial conversation. Handled wrong, it can be taken as dominating. Best is to offer a few options based on mutual interests which allow for plenty of time for conversation and getting to Know eachother. Ethnic or theme restaurants, botanical gardens, a short drive (no more than an hour this first time) up the coast or a visit to a museum of mutual interest are all good first dates. Movies, concerts, or anything requiring silent attention are a poor idea until you've learned more about each other. If you are meeting through a personal ad, do follow all those rules about meeting in a public place, etc. If the introduction is made by a matchmaker who has done a personal interview or someone who knows you both well whom you trust, such precausions may be unneccessary or even insulting. Correct ediquet in such cases is the gentleman picking the lady up at her home. Bring flowers. The most glowing reports I get from ladies are of the old fashioned gentleman be he 30 or 50.